Having a loved one critically ill in Intensive Care… on your terms!

Published: Mon, 04/18/16

Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM , where we instantly improve the lives for Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can have PEACE OF MIND, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making fast, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive Care!

In last week’s blog I talked about

“5 things you need to do when you’re not present when the doctors are making crucial decisions when your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care!”

You can check out last week’s blog by clicking on the link here.

In this week’s blog I want to talk about how you can turn things around,

“Having a loved one critically ill in Intensive Care… on your terms!”

Before I get into today’s topic, I want to share a quote with you that I wrote on today’s topic and the quote says

“You should think of life as a lifelong, constant and never-ending process of successful negotiation to create and maintain the life and lifestyle you’ve always wanted for yourself and your loved ones!

This mantra shouldn’t change even when you’re facing adversity when your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care!

Most families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are usually missing the point and they are too afraid to ask for what they want and deserve for their loved one!

They are too afraid to challenge the status quo and they are too afraid to challenge the “perceived power” and the “perceived authority” of the Intensive Care team!

This approach usually backfires without families in Intensive Care realizing that they are giving away their power…

Having a loved one critically ill in Intensive Care can be on your terms, if you are prepared to challenge the status quo, ask the right questions, do your own research, don’t take “no” for an answer and overall take a different and counterintuitive approach compared to the 99% of the families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who don’t make informed decisions, don’t have peace of mind, don’t have power, don’t have control and don’t have influence!

It’s like a bazaar of life with endless streams of people and circumstances trying to sell you on why you should do what they want you to do, or you selling them on why they should do what you want them to do. The choice is yours which approach to take.

Sometimes, a deal can’t always be made. Great deals are made with the win/win or no deal philosophy. When terms are not to your liking, do not settle. Walk away, never look back, and continue seeking and searching for what you want. Success only releases its reward long after you thought it would have, and after pretty much everyone else has long since given up.

Doing things that are difficult can take a long time to accomplish, while things that seem impossible usually just take a little while longer.

Whilst critical illness in Intensive Care often comes with massive time and resource constraints, there is no such thing as giving into what other people want for you and your critically ill loved one if you feel it’s not the right thing to do.

Getting treatment, care and outcomes to your liking and on your terms, is simply a matter of positioning yourself and your critically ill loved one in the right frame and getting things done on your terms!

So let’s get into today’s topic.

If your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care and is in one of the following heartbreaking, difficult and challenging situations where they are either

very unstable and in a very critical condition

in a life threatening situation

not “waking up” after an induced coma

in Intensive Care for long-term treatments and long-term stays (including long-term ventilation)

having a severe(traumatic) head or brain injury

threatened with an “NFR”(Not for resuscitation) or “DNR”(Do not resuscitate) order

In a situation where the Intensive Care team suggests a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one

approaching their end of life in Intensive Care

during those difficult, challenging and often heartbreaking situations, it’s very easy for the Intensive Care team to dictate the terms… or so you think…

It’s very easy for the Intensive Care team to dictate the terms, because they believe they can…

However what’s probably worse is that 99% of the families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who don’t make informed decisions, who don’t have peace of mind, who don’t have power, don’t have control and don’t have influence are simply believing that they have to accept those terms…

The good news is that unlike signing a contract for a new property, for a new car or for an insurance you don’t have to sign anything when your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care…

Therefore you are not obliged to agree to the terms the Intensive Care team is presenting to you!

Do you have a mind of your own or are you running with the herd?

If your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care, you need to very quickly get to the bottom of the things and the issues that are happening in Intensive Care and you need to very quickly establish a frame of mind that is distinctly different from the 99% of the families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who don’t make informed decisions, who don’t have peace of mind, who don’t have power, don’t have control and don’t have influence…

Easier said than done, because if you look around in Intensive Care and you see those 99% of the families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who don’t make informed decisions, who don’t have peace of mind, who don’t have power, don’t have control and don’t have influence it’s easier to copy their behaviour rather than doing your own research and looking at what needs to be done in order for you to get results and in order for you to have Intensive Care treatment for your critically ill loved one on your terms!

The fact of the matter is that if you copy the behaviour of the 99% of the families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who don’t make informed decisions, who don’t have peace of mind, who don’t have power, don’t have control and don’t have influence you will get the results that the 99% of the families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are getting... and that's bad news...

The fact of the matter is that if you don’t take matters in your own hands, if you don’t do your own research and if you don’t start asking the right questions, the Intensive Care team will do whatever they like, they will treat you just like a number and they will do things on their terms…

The reality is that Intensive Care is such a complex, highly volatile, highly political and dynamic environment with way too many moving parts “behind the scenes”, that you can’t really afford to buying into terms that you don’t like…

THE 10 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ARE HAPPENING BEHIND THE SCENES IN INTENSIVE CARE THAT HOLD YOU BACK FROM HAVING PEACE OF MIND, CONTROL, POWER AND INFLUENCE, WHILST YOUR LOVED ONE IS CRITICALLY ILL IN INTENSIVE CARE!

How do I know?

After more than 15 years Intensive Care nursing in three different countries, where I literally worked with thousands of critically ill Patients and their families and where I also worked as a Nurse Unit Manager in Intensive Care for more than 5 years, I have literally seen the difference between the very few families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who make informed decisions, who get peace of mind, control, power and influence and who are simply prepared to do “whatever it takes” to get the terms that they want… compared to the 99% of families who don’t…

In fact here is a link to a very valuable resource that will give you even more insights into how you and your families can get what you want

THE 5 THINGS FAMILIES DO WHO HAVE PEACE OF MIND, ARE IN CONTROL, FEEL POWERFUL AND INFLUENCE DECISION MAKING FAST, WHILST YOUR LOVED ONE IS CRITICALLY ILL IN INTENSIVE CARE!

On the other hand, if you start doing your own research, if you start acting differently, if you start asking the right questions and if you start to even become “difficult and demanding”, you will see very quickly that the terms the Intensive Care team is trying to dictate to you are in fact negotiable.

I have just come off a consulting session with a Client yesterday and the Client was telling me that the minute the Intensive Care team realised that the Client had done their research and they were asking all the right questions with confidence, they actually asked the Client whether they were a doctor or a nurse… The treatment the Client and their family member received from the Intensive Care team changed very quickly and rapidly…

Point in case, do your own research, speak to the people who know Intensive Care inside out and you’ll have massive leverage, get what you want and you don’t need to settle for terms that are not to your liking…

Take care

Patrik

There is no situation in Intensive Care that I can't help you with or that I haven't seen!