Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM where we instantly improve the lives for Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can make informed decisions, have PEACE OF MIND, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making fast, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive Care!

This is another episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED“ and in last week’s episode I answered another question from one of our readers

My 68 year old mother is in ICU with gastric perforation and she’s not “waking up” after the surgery! Will she need a tracheostomy? (PART 17)

You can check out last week’s episode by clicking on the link here.

In this week’s episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED“, I want to answer another the next question from our client Robert, which are excerpts from email counselling and consulting sessions with me and the question this week is

My 68 year old mother is in ICU with gastric perforation and she’s not “waking up” after the surgery! Will she need a tracheostomy? (PART 18)

You can find previous questions from this series of questions answered here

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5 , PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 15, PART 16 and PART 17

Robert continues with his mother’s situation below

Hi Patrik,

I have unfortunate news.

The doctors discovered from the CT scan that the area where they had operated on the second time (intestines) had a perforation and that another part of the intestines was also damaged.  The attending surgeon (the one that did both her prior surgeries) came into talk to us, even though she was off that day.  Unfortunately, it was inoperable and irrecoverable.

The family discussed this and made the decision that although my mother fought a valiant fight, all things considered, it was best for her for us to let her go in peace.  So, we collectively as a family made that decision.

My mother passed away a couple of hours ago.  She was surrounded by her husband, all four of her kids, their spouses and her sister.  We were all in the room with her for her final moments.  She could not have gone more peacefully.

This is of course, a hard time for the family, but we are at peace that we supported her in her fight, and left no stone unturned.

I cannot thank you enough for all of your counsel, guidance — and most of all, your compassion.  It has helped tremendously in ways that I cannot express.

I wish you all the best.

Regards,

Robert

Recommended:

• 1:1 email counselling and consulting with Patrik
  
  

• 1:1 phone and email counselling and consulting with Patrik

Hi Robert,

I’m very sorry to hear that your mother has passed away, my thoughts are with you and your family!

It’s good to hear that you and your family have made a decision that you all supported.

It’s even better to hear that you and the rest of your family were all there when your mother passed away and that it was a peaceful death.

Your mother has fought tremendously and I believe up to the point yesterday when the next complication/perforation set in it was a well worth fight.

Intensive Care is very unpredictable in positive and in negative terms and you never know what the outcome might be, but I believe putting your best foot forward is a worthwhile thing to do!

Related article/video

• What Is A Good Death In Intensive Care?

I also think that you and your family have left no stone unturned and I think that’s good to know for your own peace of mind.

I also felt that from what you were describing, you and your family weren’t dealing with an overtly negative Intensive Care team. This is often one of the biggest challenges we have when working with Clients in similar situations and we/they are often dealing with a very negative ICU team. I do believe they have been open and transparent with everything that’s been happening and that’s how it should be.

They would have also known at some point that you and your family are doing your own research and that you are equipped with the right questions! 

Apart from some comments in the beginning about wanting to withdraw treatment, you haven’t mentioned any more negative comments from them. Therefore you could focus on your mother and her “best interest” and not on “fighting” the negativity of the team.

Related article/video:

• 5 POWERFUL THINGS YOU NEED TO DO IF THE INTENSIVE CARE TEAM IS NEGATIVE WHEN YOUR LOVED ONE IS CRITICALLY ILL IN INTENSIVE CARE!

Again, my thoughts are with you and your family and whilst this is a difficult time in your life, you and your family have done what you were supposed to do, to look for the best outcome for your mother.

And even with a final outcome, it was still the best outcome for your mother considering the circumstances.

Recommended:

• “PEACE OF MIND, CONTROL, POWER AND INFLUENCE EVEN IN THE MOST CHALLENGING OF CIRCUMSTANCES THAT YOU, YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR CRITICALLY ILL LOVED ONE COULD POSSIBLY FACE IN INTENSIVE CARE!”

Having either witnessed or personally looked after many dying Patients in Intensive Care, I know by now that it’s OK when we die. Death is part of life and it’s OK. That’s one thing that I’ve learned over the nearly two decades working in Intensive Care.

And again, I can’t stress enough how important it is that not only did you make the decision as a family that her fight was not worth continuing any longer, it is also very important that you and the rest of your family were present when she passed away. It’ll help you tremendously to get closure when dealing with the loss of your mother.

It was literally an end of life situation on your terms, well done!

Most families in Intensive Care are not prepared to go at such great lengths than you did and therefore they have no bargaining power and they are poor negotiators!

You have left no stone unturned and you have had a lot of bargaining power because you sought help and you didn’t take “no” for an answer and you did your own research! The Intensive Care team knew that and they had to face up to it!

Therefore, you were able to make informed decisions, get peace of mind, control, power and influence!

Wishing you and your family all the very best!

Kind Regards

Patrik

I only have one consulting spot left for the rest of the weekend, if you want it, hit reply to this email and say "I'm in" and I'll send you all the details.