Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from intensivecarehotline.com , where we instantly improve the lives of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can have peace of mind, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making fast, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive
Care!
In last week’s blog I talked about
Who’s the better advocate for your critically ill loved one, you or the Intensive Care team?
You can check out last week’s blog by clicking on the link here.
In this week’s blog I want to talk about
5 signs to look out for when it’s time to let go if your loved one is critically ill and dying in Intensive
Care!
Before I get into today’s topic I want to share a quote with you that I wrote on today’s topic and the quote says
“We are all inevitably going in the same direction and therefore death is part of life. The sooner you can
embrace that death is an inevitable part of life, the sooner you can deal with the fear that you might have about death and dying!
Another way to look at it is that death is just the opposite of birth and that life itself is eternal.
Society doesn’t want to talk about death and dying and the majority of everyday people can’t really give you any advice on how to deal with the inevitable, because they are trying to avoid the topic at all cost!
If society brings up the topic of death and dying it’s usually in a sensationalized and hypie manner and it often completely misses the point!
Everything in life happens for a reason, including the death of a loved one in Intensive Care!
The reality is that about 6-10% of all Patients in Intensive Care are dying and your job is to make sure that you have peace of mind, control, power and influence even if your loved one is dying in Intensive Care!
Not having peace of mind, control, power and influence in a real end of life situation in Intensive Care leaves you full of bitterness, resentment and anger!
If you don’t know what you need to look out for, the Intensive Care team will tell you what
is “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one even if they are dying and you need to be prepared as much as you can so that you can have an end of life situation on your terms!"
So let's get into today's topic.
Intensive Care is a challenging environment and it’s even more challenging when your critically ill loved one is inevitably dying in Intensive Care!
As you have heard me saying before in my blogs and in my “your
questions answered” episodes, there are many situations in Intensive Care where the Intensive Care team is trying to “sell” you and your family that a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” is “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one!
Whenever the Intensive Care team is trying to “sell” you on a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one, you need to make sure that
a)You and your family agree 100% with this
b)You and your family have ruled out that the Intensive Care team is not trying to “sell’ you and your family on a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one, because of the things that are happening “behind the scenes” in Intensive Care
If you have followed
my blogs for any length of time you know by now that the things that are happening “behind the scenes” in Intensive Care are always impacting on how the Intensive Care team positions your critically ill loved one’s diagnosis and prognosis!
You should also know by now that the care and treatment offered or not offered by the Intensive Care team is always a result of what’s
happening “behind the scenes” in Intensive Care!
Therefore as
a rule of thumb, you should always pay close attention to what the Intensive Care team says, how they say it, when they say it and you should also pay close attention to what they are not saying!
How do I know?
Well, after more
than 15 years Intensive Care nursing in three different countries, where I literally worked with thousands of critically ill Patients and their families I know and understand the “secret” Intensive Care language and I can help you translate the Intensive Care team’s talk into your language so that you can understand what’s really happening in Intensive Care!
I have also worked for more than 5 years as a nurse unit manager in Intensive Care and that gave me plenty of insight into what’s happening “behind the
scenes” in Intensive Care!
“Real” and “perceived” end of life situations and knowing the difference is key!
I have
seen and I have been involved in many “real” and “perceived” end- of life situations in Intensive Care and I know the difference.
A “real” end of life situation is “real” and no fancy equipment, no surgery, no miracle cure and no fancy drugs can save your critically ill loved one’s life!
A “perceived” end of life situation is a situation where the Intensive Care team is trying to “sell” you and your family on a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one, because of the things that are happening “behind the scenes” in Intensive Care!
If you are like 99%
of the families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care and you have no peace of mind, no control, no power and no influence, because you have been “sucking up” to the “perceived power” and the “perceived authority” of the Intensive Care team, you probably still haven’t noticed the difference!
It’ll be easy for the
Intensive Care team to “walk all over you” without you even noticing what’s happening, because you’ve been so enamoured by the Intensive Care team’s “perceived power” and “perceived authority” and you still haven’t noticed!
But now it’s time to wake up and it’s time for you to take charge and make sure you know what to look out
for so that you do know whether your critically ill loved one is really dying in Intensive Care or whether they have a chance for survival and recovery!
This is really your chance to make up your mind and make your own judgements, before anybody else is trying to tell you what to do...
So lets look at the 5 signs to look out for when it’s time to let go if your loved one is critically ill and dying in Intensive Care!
- Make sure you have asked all the right questions and you get them all answered to your satisfaction
If the Intensive Care team still hides behind their medical jargon and they are using medical terms without actually really explaining to you what’s really happening in words that you can understand, there is good chance that they are not open and transparent with
you!
Your job is to laser focus on all the right questions to start off with- something 99% of families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are not doing- and then laser focus on the answers!
We have lots of tools, blogs, articles, videos and Ebooks on this website where you can quickly learn what the right questions are and if you are really stuck you can always get one on one consulting with me via Skype, over the phone or via Email and SMS
Recommended:
- Make sure that no matter the circumstances you stay one step ahead of the Intensive Care team!
The fact of the matter is that if your critically ill loved one is either
- very unstable and in a very critical condition
if you are finding that your critically ill loved one is in one those challenging, difficult, frustrating and often
heartbreaking situations, chances are pretty high that the Intensive Care team is trying to sell you and your family on a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one, because of the things that are happening “behind the scenes” in Intensive Care!
The more formal, the more authoritative and the more the Intensive Care team uses their “perceived power” and their “perceived authority” to “sell” you on a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” in one of the aforementioned difficult, challenging and often heartbreaking situations, the more likely it is that the things happening “behind the scenes” are dictating the Intensive Care team’s strategy and their positioning!
Don’t buy into it and use your knowledge, use your common sense and use the resources on our website INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM to have your own strong positioning and strategy at work.
The fact of the matter is that the 99% of families of critically ill Patients in
Intensive Care who have no peace of mind, no control, no power and no influence have no plan and no strategy and they are “easy prey” for the Intensive Care team!
- Has the Intensive Care team been open and transparent with you from the start and have they actively involved you and your
family in the decision making process?
Most Intensive Care teams are often not open and transparent and again, they are often hiding behind their medical jargon and their medical terms. They often don’t take the time to explain things in your language so that you can understand what’s really happening!
Intensive Care treatment and therapy is often a combination of many little things adding up to a bigger picture. That’s why it’s such a specialized area!
The devil is often in the detail and if the Intensive Care
team isn’t sitting down with you, explaining all the small things, the nitty gritty that add up to your critically ill loved one’s therapy and treatment and also to their ultimate outcome, destiny and chances of survival, it’s a clear sign that openness and transparency are not high on the Intensive Care team’s agenda!
The
ideal scenario is where the Intensive Care team is open and transparent in their decision making process and even getting you and your family involved in the decision making process, period!
Recommended resources:
- Is the Intensive Care team using formal “family meetings” to “sell” you and your family on a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one?
Formal “family meetings” are another tool in the Intensive Care team’s toolbox to get what they want!
Whenever the Intensive Care team is asking you and your family to come to a “formal family meeting”, your alarm bells should ring and your red flags should go up!
“Formal family meetings” in Intensive Care with the Intensive Care team are the ultimate display of dominance, power and authority of the Intensive Care team!
Whenever the Intensive Care team asks you and your family to come to a “formal family meeting” you need to be prepared, because the Intensive Care team in those “family meetings” knows what to say, how to say it, when to say it and they also know what not to say.
They are very shrewd when it comes to getting what they want in a “formal family meeting”.
If you are going in those “Family meetings “ unprepared and chances are that the Intensive Care team will walk all over you and your family without you even realizing what is happening.
Recommended:
- Is the Intensive Care team talking “over you” and “at you” or are they really in a genuine dialogue with you and your family?
Again, getting what you want when your
loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care- even in an end of life situation- and ultimately getting peace of mind, control, power and influence is a matter of good communication!
Unfortunately the Intensive Care team is often trying to avoid genuine communication and that’s why most families in Intensive Care feel that the
Intensive Care team is talking over them or at them but not with them.
It’s a terrible feeling to have and if you and your family feel like you are stuck you need to very quickly stop doing what the other 99% of families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are doing and you need to get proactive and get the tools that
will get you peace of mind, control, power and influence quickly before it’s too late!
Remember, if you are failing to plan you are planning to fail…
Your friend,
Patrik
Get ONE on ONE consulting with Patrik via Skype, over the phone or email(click on the link)
Skype ID patrik.hutzel
phone 415- 915-0090 in the USA/Canada
phone 03- 8658 2138 in Australia/ New Zealand
phone 0118 324 3018 in the UK/Ireland
If you have a question you need answered, just hit reply to this email or
send it to me at support@intensivecarehotline.com
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PS
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Our information products are an "IN-DEPTH" education product for Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care and a SHORTCUT for Families to have PEACE OF MIND, control, power& influence! The focus of the education product will be on PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence during
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phone 415-915-0090
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Your Friend
Patrik Hutzel
Critical Care Nurse
Founder& Editor
WWW.INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM