5 WAYS HOW TO OVERCOME THE MOST CHALLENGING SITUATIONS IN INTENSIVE CARE &"YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED" Episode

Published: Mon, 01/12/15

Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM , where we INSTANTLY improve the lives of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can have PEACE OF MIND, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making FAST, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive Care!

First up, I wish you and your families a happy, healthy and successful 2015!

Thank you for continuing to be a subscriber to the INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM blog!

If your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care we are here to help, support and guide you through this massive and "ONCE IN A LIFETIME" challenge!

Check out our BLOG or our "YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED" section, watch our email updates or simply send your questions to support@intensivecarehotline.com for free advice!

In last week’s blog I shared with you

"HOW TO STOP BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY THE INTENSIVE CARE TEAM if your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care!"

You can check out last week’s BLOG by clicking on the link here.

In this week’s BLOG I want to share with you

“THE 5 WAYS HOW TO OVERCOME THE

MOST CHALLENGING SITUATIONS IN

INTENSIVE CARE, if your loved one is

critically ill in Intensive Care!”

If you have come to this blog, chances are that your critically ill loved one has been admitted to Intensive Care and chances are that your critically ill loved one is not in a good place.

Chances are that if you are reading this right now that you are not in a good place either.

You all of a sudden have realized that by having a loved one critically ill in Intensive Care, your life, the life of your family and the life of your critically ill loved one have changed in an instant!

You have literally been hit with a “ONCE IN A LIFETIME” challenge that you can’t afford to get wrong.

The level of frustration, the level of emotional pain you are experiencing, the fear of the unknown, the anxiety, the stress and the overwhelm, your vulnerability and by you and your family just being so far outside of your comfort zone makes this experience of having a loved one critically ill in Intensive Care almost unbearable!

And no, I’m not talking about your loved one being admitted to Intensive Care for an overnight admission after they had a planned operation that required overnight monitoring in Intensive Care.

I am talking about the most challenging situations that there can ever be in Intensive Care, that are literally life changing, challenging, exhausting, extremely frustrating and demanding. I am talking about the situations where your critically ill loved one is either

very unstable and in a very critical condition

in a life threatening situation

in Intensive Care for long-term treatments and long-term stays

having a severe(traumatic) head or brain injury

THREATENED with an “NFR”(Not for resuscitation) or “DNR”(Do not resuscitate) order

In a situation where the Intensive Care team suggests a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “IN THE BEST INTEREST” of your critically ill loved one

approaching their end of life in Intensive Care

Those are the situations in Intensive Care that are the most challenging and those are the situations where your critically ill loved one needs you, needs your advocacy, needs your strength and needs your stamina in order to face this challenge effectively!

Now if you are like 99% of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who have no PEACE OF MIND, who have no power, no control and no influence you are so paralysed by your fear, by your frustrations and you are also paralysed by your overwhelming emotions that you just passively witness this event as a passive bystander, rather than proactively looking for a solution.

In order to effectively deal with the most challenging situations there can ever be in Intensive Care, in order for you to have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence, in order to get results and in order for you being able to effectively manage this “ONCE IN A LIFETIME” challenge and get the outcomes and results that you want for your critically ill loved one, I want to show you

“THE 5 WAYS HOW TO OVERCOME THE MOST CHALLENGING SITUATIONS IN INTENSIVE CARE, if your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care!”

So let’s get right into it

1. Throw out all of your preconceived ideas and preconceived notions about Intensive Care and start thinking differently

If you are like 99% of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who have no PEACE OF MIND, no power, no control and no influence you usually come “wired” with preconceived ideas and preconceived notions such as

This is really bad, why is this happening to me?

I can’t control what’s happening

I don’t understand Intensive Care

I better don’t ask too many questions, because I don’t want to look stupid

I have no idea what the Intensive care team is talking about

In order to have any influence in this situation I need to be nice and I need to “suck up” to the doctors and the nurses

But here’s the deal. In order for you to have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence, you need to throw that thinking of the 99% out of the window now!

You need to adopt a different mindset very quickly and you need to look at what the 99% of families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are doing who have no PEACE OF MIND, no control, no power and no influence and you need to do the complete opposite!

That is what will set you apart, it is what will give you leverage, it is what will communicate to the Intensive Care team that you will do whatever it takes to have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence and it will set the scene for you and the Intensive Care team so that they know they are dealing with a powerful family!

2. Adopt the believe system that this is a temporary challenge that you are dealing with and adopt the believe system that you can have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence no matter how big the challenge!

You may have heard me saying this before. Believes can move mountains! PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence in a situation where your critically ill loved one is either

very unstable and in a very critical condition

in a life threatening situation

in Intensive Care for long-term treatments and long-term stays

having a severe(traumatic) head or brain injury

THREATENED with an “NFR”(Not for resuscitation) or “DNR”(Do not resuscitate) order

In a situation where the Intensive Care team suggests a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one

approaching their end of life in Intensive Care

In those situations the Intensive Care team is so used to being in control, they are so used to “run the show”, to “drive the bus” so to speak that they don’t expect being challenged by a powerful Family of a critically ill Patient in Intensive Care!

The Intensive Care team is so used to stand on this pedestal of being “the perceived power” and the “perceived authority” that it’s very easy for them to drive home their mainly “hidden agenda” during those extremely challenging situations there can ever be in Intensive Care!

So therefore, your believe system that you can have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence no matter how big the challenge whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care is your first point of difference! Change your believe system and I bet that the Intensive Care team will notice!

3. Start questioning things, do your own research and implement quickly what you discover!

PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence comes from being different, it comes from going against the grain and it comes from going out of your comfort zone!

If you are like 99% of families in Intensive Care who don’t question, who don’t do their own research, who continue to “suck up” to the Intensive Care team and who as a result of their inactions have no PEACE OF MIND, no power, no control and no influence then you will wind up just like them, you will be a victim and you will blame other people for your situation!

But I can assure you that after more than 15 years Intensive Care nursing experience in three different countries, where I have literally worked with THOUSANDS of critically ill Patients and their Families that the few Families who stood their ground, who had PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence they all had in common that they were doing their own research, they questioned things and the approach of the Intensive Care team!

Those influential and powerful families realised that the situation they found themselves in leaves no time for “sucking up” to the Intensive Care team, they realised that this “ONCE IN A LIFETIME” situation required for them being actively pursuing their goals and they also quickly realised that “what you see in Intensive Care is not always what you get!”

4. You must learn very quickly that what’s happening “BEHIND THE SCENES” in Intensive Care is what’s driving the decision making of the Intensive Care team in extremely challenging situations!

If your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care and if they are in one of those extremely challenging situations that I mentioned before, you are not only dealing with the critical illness of your critically ill loved one.

You are dealing with another massive challenge that the 99% are completely unaware of. You are dealing with an extremely powerful force that’s called “BEHIND THE SCENES IN INTENSIVE CARE”!

This is such a powerful force that if you don’t get a handle on this, you, your family and your critically ill loved one are literally doomed!

In whatever way the Intensive Care team presents and positions your critically ill loved one’s diagnosis and prognosis, I can assure you that a big part of the positioning is coming from what’s happening “BEHIND THE SCENES” in Intensive Care!

What do I mean by that?

By that I mean that

The financial interests of the Intensive Care team and their perception of whether they are going to make money $$$ or whether they are going to lose money $$$ by continuing to treat your critically ill loved one will impact on their positioning!

The bed management issues and bed management challenges of an Intensive Care Unit will always impact on the positioning of the Intensive Care team. I.e. does the Intensive Care team have an interest in admitting other more acutely unwell Patients into “in-demand”, precious and expensive Intensive care beds, where they think they have a bigger interest in treating them instead of your critically ill loved one?

The medical research interests, i.e. Is your critically ill loved one a candidate for medical research? Medical research attracts Millions of Dollars $$$ per year from pharmaceutical companies, from Universities and even from government agencies and the money is being used to conduct medical research on real people! If your critically ill loved one doesn’t fall into a medical research category, the Intensive Care team may have a lesser interest in continuing treatment and not give them the best and full treatment!

The politics, the dynamics, the competing interests, the power play and the power struggles, the intrigue and the psychology in Intensive Care one way or another always impacts on the positioning of the Intensive Care team of your critically ill loved one’s diagnosis and prognosis!

5. You must “arm” yourself with insider and “BEHIND THE SCENES” knowledge very quickly so that you can get PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence

Now, whenever I faced a new challenge in life, I basically had two and always will have two choices.

I try and figure out on my own through “trial and error”
I learn from someone who knows what to do and who has been there before

In your unique and extremely challenging situation I would certainly chose b) and I would learn from someone who has been there and who knows what to do.

“To live through an impossible situation, you don’t need to have the reflexes of a Grand Prix driver, the muscles of a Hercules, the mind of an Einstein. You simply need to know what to do.” Anthony Greenback, The Book of Survival

In order for you to live through this “impossible situation” where your loved one is in Intensive Care facing the worst challenges there can ever be, you simply need to know what to do!

Also, check out our "YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED" section

where I answer all of YOUR questions

http://intensivecarehotline.com/category/questions/

Hi, it’s Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM , where we INSTANTLY improve the lives of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can have PEACE OF MIND, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making FAST, even if you’re not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive Care!

This is another episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” and in last week’s episode I answered another question from one of our readers and the question last week was

WHAT HAPPENS IF MY CRITICALLY ILL LOVED ONE CAN'T BE WEANED OFF THE VENTILATOR?

You can check out the answer to last week’s question by clicking on the link here.

In this week’s episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” I want to answer another question from one of our readers and the question this week is from Amanda in the United States and Amanda asks

"My loved one has HIV, lymphoma on his

brain, seizures, is septic and is ventilated!

The Intensive Care team is trying to TAKE MY

HOPE AWAY and they are all NEGATIVE!

HELP!"

Hello Patrik,

I wanted to reach out to you about a loved one who is critically ill in Intensive Care. My loved one is dealing with HIV.

He was admitted to the hospital three times since September with different infections. The first time he was admitted he had sepsis and was treated with various antibiotics.

He stayed in Intensive Care for a few days and was moved to a regular room. He was in the hospital for two weeks and discharged. I had to bring him back to the ER less than a week later.

He was admitted to a regular room and stayed in the hospital for a month. He was aggressively treated with antibiotics for bacteria and started HIV medication.

He was also diagnosed with lymphoma on his brain. He was doing much better after a few weeks, but he had oedema and some bladder control issues when he left the hospital.

He was supposed to be starting chemotherapy for the lymphoma within a week or two. He was still being treated with antibiotics through a PICC line and taking his medication.

He was only home for a week and I had to bring him back to the ER last Tuesday.

He was awake and breathing when he went to the ER, but this time they put him on a breathing machine and sedated him. He was sent to the ICU.

They said that he had bacteria all in his body and in his brain. Although I know that his immune system is very weak, I don't understand how the got these other infections so quickly.

He had two spinal taps while at the hospital. They took his blood work everyday and they did all types of procedures.

I don't understand how they did not notice these other infections or why he was discharged before all the infection was gone.

He is not receiving any sedation medicine, but he is still not waking up.

He also had a few seizures which he is receiving medicine for. I had a meeting with some of his doctors and I was told that he was critically ill.

They wanted to know what myself and his family would want to do if his heart stops beating. I have been praying for him everyday and I will only believe in positive outcomes!

I understand that he is very ill, but I do not think it is impossible for him to pull through.

I called the social worker this morning about something else, and she said that he developed full blown AIDS and his body will not be able to fight off the infection and he will not recover.

She claimed that she was not trying to be mean, but I feel like why would she say that. She is not a doctor and she is not GOD.

I understand that he is very ill, but I feel like people are trying to take my hope away.

I have been very sad and scared about everything that is going on and I feel so lost. I want to take things one day at a time, because I feel like he will improve.

Thank you

Amanda

Dear Amanda,

thank you for reaching out!

I am very sorry to hear that your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care! It sounds like you and your critically ill loved one are in an extremely difficult and challenging situation!

First of all, I want to encourage you to stay positive!

Do not let anybody take away your courage of staying positive whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care!

Staying positive is half of the battle, even if the outcome isn’t going to be a desired outcome and I’ll explain why in a minute!

Let's now quickly look at the clinical facts from what you are describing!

Your critically ill loved one has HIV and you need to know that many people live with HIV for decades without any symptoms!

My experience in more than 15 years Intensive Care nursing in three different countries where I have literally worked with THOUSANDS of critically ill Patients and their Families, has shown me that HIV Patients can overcome an Intensive Care stay as well, irrespective of the odds they are facing!

Generally speaking HIV, critical illness and Intensive Care are not a good combination, however it can be overcome.

What concerns me however is that your critically ill loved one is on a ventilator, had seizures, is on no sedation and is still not waking up.

Unfortunately, you haven’t given me any information as to how long your critically ill loved one has been ventilated for and for how long he has had sedation for.

If your critically ill loved one had bacteria on his brain, this could well have led to the seizures, however I can’t diagnose that from afar.

The CT scans and/or MRI’s would most likely have the answer to that.

I also think it’s a good strategy to take things “one day at the time”!

I can also see that your optimism is challenged by the Intensive Care team asking you “what yourself and his family want if his heart stops beating”.

Now, you need to know and understand that Intensive Care teams can be very quick at painting a “doom and gloom” picture, especially in light of the fact that a recovery of your critically ill loved one could take a long time, if a recovery is possible at all.

You need to know and understand that often the positioning the Intensive Care team takes in the following situations where critically ill Patients are either

very unstable and in a very critical condition

in a life threatening situation

in Intensive Care for long-term treatments and long-term stays

having a severe(traumatic) head or brain injury

threatened with an “NFR”(Not for resuscitation) or “DNR”(Do not resuscitate) order

In a situation where the Intensive Care team suggests a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “IN THE BEST INTEREST” of your critically ill loved one

approaching their end of life in Intensive Care

is more often than not a reflection of what’s happening “BEHIND THE SCENES” in Intensive Care.

What’s happening “BEHIND THE SCENES” in Intensive Care is so powerful that critically ill Patients’ fate and destiny can be decided behind closed doors and can be presented and “sold” to Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care as being "IN THE BEST INTEREST" of their critically ill loved one.

In reality, the financial interests ($$$), the bed management pressures, staffing issues, politics, medical research interests, the dynamics, the power play, the competing interests, the intrigue and the psychology in Intensive Care is what’s driving the Intensive Care team’s agenda and ultimately your critically ill loved one’s fate and destiny if you are ill prepared!

Your job therefore is to develop an awareness that this is what you are dealing with and then embark on a journey that gives you PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence, irrespective of the challenges that you are currently facing!

You mustn’t be intimidated by the “perceived power” and the “perceived authority” of the Intensive Care team!

Once you know and understand the forces that you are up against, you then still need to stay strong and positive, that is extremely important!

Even if your critically ill loved one is inevitably approaching his end of life in Intensive Care, you still want to have the end of life situation on your terms and not on the Intensive Care team’s terms!

You want to be realistic, however you also don’t want to play the Intensive Care team’s games of “doom and gloom”, if you think that your critically ill loved one will recover!

From what you are describing clinically, the odds might be against your critically ill loved one, however you know him best and you know how resilient he is and how he deals with challenges and adversity!

I also believe from what you are describing that neither the Intensive Care team nor the social worker take your emotional state into consideration.

The language they use is most likely not appropriate for the situation and they need to show more compassion.

In the meantime, do what feels right for you! You don’t want your critically ill loved one suffering unnecessarily, however you do need to stand your ground irrespectively!

By now you know that you are in a “ONCE IN A LIFETIME” situation and you don’t want to get a “ONCE IN A LIFETIME“ situation wrong

I hope that helps Amanda.

I can also be available for a FREE 15- 30 minute Skype consultation.

Please let me know if you have anymore questions.

Thank you& Kind Regards

Patrik Hutzel

If you want your questions answered just hit reply to this email or email me at support@intensivecarehotline.com and I'll answer your questions!

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long-term stays in Intensive Care
end- of- life situations
Family meetings with the Intensive Care team
withdrawal of treatment situations and/or perceived medical futility
what to do if your critically ill loved one is THREATENED with an "NFR" (Not for resuscitation) or "DNR" (Do not resuscitate) order
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Your Friend

Patrik Hutzel

Critical Care Nurse

Founder& Editor