5 COMPELLING REASONS WHY YOU NEED TO HAVE PEACE OF MIND!&YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED EPISODE

Published: Mon, 11/24/14

Hi, it's Patrik Hutzel from INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM , where we INSTANTLY improve the lives of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, so that you can have PEACE OF MIND, real power, real control and so that you can influence decision making FAST, even if you're not a doctor or a nurse in Intensive Care!

In last week’s PODCAST I’ve featured Trudie and Dennis with the story of their mother in ICU where they dealt with a difficult Intensive Care team!

Podcast with Trudie and Dennis whose mother and wife was in ICU after cardiac arrest! Listen to how they overcame numerous challenges while they were dealing with a difficult Intensive Care team!

You can check out last week’s PODCAST by clicking on the link here.

In this week’s BLOG I want to talk about

The 5 COMPELLING REASONS why you need to

have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and

influence whilst your loved one is critically ill in

Intensive Care!

Whenever you are faced with the challenge and the “ONCE IN A LIFETIME” situation of having a loved one critically ill in Intensive Care, I know first hand from more than 15 years Intensive Care nursing experience in three different countries where I have literally worked with THOUSANDS of critically ill Patients and their Families, that most Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care have no PEACE OF MIND, they have no control, no power and no influence!

Their emotional pain is palpable, it’s real and I know from just looking at their poor body language what’s going on inside of them.

Those Families are bursting with tension, friction and the massive upheaval in their life and because they are having a loved one critically ill in Intensive Care is just too much for them to fathom.

Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are scared to “rock the boat”

And even worse, Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are so paralysed by fear, they are so paralysed by inaction and what’s inexcusable is that they “don’t want to rock the boat” when dealing with the Intensive Care team because they are scared of repercussions!

It’s the biggest mistake Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care can ever make, to not “rock the boat” because they are afraid of repercussions from the Intensive Care team.

Some statements from Families of critically ill Patients that I have heard over and over again include such as “let them do their work and don’t interrupt” or “just be quiet, don’t ask too many questions, because otherwise we might be in trouble…”

It frustrates and angers me when I hear these statements and it just goes to show that even in this day and age and even in the 21^st century, Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are intimidated by the “perceived power” and the “perceived authority” by the Intensive Care team!

Those Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care as a result have no PEACE OF MIND, no control, no power and no influence!

Therefore I want to give you “The 5 compelling reasons why you need to have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care!”

PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence is so important during this “ONCE IN A LIFETIME” situation that you can’t ignore it!

If you are like 99% of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care, you don’t question, you don’t do your own research, you don’t stand up for your beliefs and your values only to find that the Intensive Care team is walking all over you and your critically ill loved one, doesn’t inform you and basically is keeping you at arm’s length!

The result is no PEACE OF MIND, no control, no power and no influence!

The result is also that the Intensive Care team can drive home their mainly hidden agenda, they can use their “perceived power” and their “perceived authority” to their advantage and they can use what’s happening “BEHIND THE SCENES” in Intensive Care to their advantage!

Now, if you are reading/ watching this blog, chances are that your critically ill loved one is either

very unstable and in a very critical condition
in a life threatening situation
in Intensive Care for long-term treatments and long-term stays
having a severe(traumatic) head or brain injury
threatened with an “NFR”(Not for resuscitation) or “DNR”(Do not resuscitate) order
In a situation where the Intensive Care team suggests a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one
approaching their end of life in Intensive Care

and if you have found that you, your Family and your critically ill loved one are in one of those difficult, challenging and heartbreaking situations then I can only strongly recommend that you throw out all of your preconceived notions, your preconceived ideas and your preconceived perceptions about Intensive Care and do something very different, compared to the 99% of Families in Intensive Care who have no PEACE OF MIND, no control, no power and no influence!

That leads me straight into the 2^nd compelling reason why you need to have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care!

You, your Family and your critically ill loved one don’t want to be dependent on what’s happening “BEHIND THE SCENES” in Intensive Care, because if you don’t understand what’s happening “BEHIND THE SCENES” in Intensive Care, chances are that you’ll wind up having no PEACE OF MIND, no control, no power and no influence!

The Intensive Care team generally speaking finds it very easy to deal with Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care because of their “perceived power” and “perceived authority” status!

That also means that it’s easy for the Intensive Care team to drive home their mainly hidden agenda that’s driven by the

Financial interests of the Intensive Care Unit, i.e will they make money $$$ or will they lose money $$$ when treating your critically ill loved one

Bed management pressures and the bed management interests of the Intensive care team, i.e. does the Intensive Care team currently experience a high pressure on their scarce, expensive and precious Intensive Care beds and do they therefore wish not to continue treatment because of other Patients competing for their scarce, precious and expensive ICU beds or does the Intensive Care team want to unnecessarily continue treatment to keep their beds occupied only to unnecessarily prolong the treatment(and increase the suffering) of your critically ill loved one in an end of life situation to keep their beds occupied and make money $$$?

Medical research interests of the Intensive Care team, i.e. is your critically ill loved one enrolled in a medical research study that you or your critically ill loved one are unaware of and you haven’t even given written or verbal consent for? Did you know that medical research in Intensive Care is a multi- billion Dollar $$$ per year industry and that often the positioning of your critically ill loved one’s diagnosis and prognosis by the Intensive Care team is dependent on the Intensive Care team’s medical research interests?

If you don’t have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence whilst your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care, chances are that the Intensive Care team is “twisting and turning” the clinical facts to their liking in order to keep you at “arm’s length” and in order to drive home their mainly hidden agenda!

Now, if you continue to do what 99% of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care do, you’ll wind up having no PEACE OF MIND, no control, no power and no influence!

If you also don’t understand the Intensive Care team’s positioning, if you don’t understand that the politics, the dynamics, the competing interests, the power play, the medical research interests, the intrigue, the psychology and the hidden agenda of the Intensive Care team are the main drivers of what you get told about your critically ill loved one’s situation, about your critically ill loved one’s diagnosis and prognosis, that’s when you are doomed!

You need to get a very quick handle on things, you need to start doing your own research and you need to start doing what 99% of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are not doing!

You need to start to question, you need to start becoming “difficult and demanding” and you need to start not taking “No” for an answer!

You and your Family need to have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence because you don’t want to dependent on the Intensive Care team’s “mercy” or goodwill if your critically ill loved one’s in a really difficult situation!

I know I’m repeating myself here a little, however I can’t stress enough how important this is, because if your critically ill loved one is in a situation where they are

very unstable and in a very critical condition
in a life threatening situation
in Intensive Care for long-term treatments and long-term stays
having a severe(traumatic) head or brain injury
threatened with an “NFR”(Not for resuscitation) or “DNR”(Do not resuscitate) order
In a situation where the Intensive Care team suggests a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one
approaching their end of life in Intensive Care

you and your Family don’t want to be dependent on the Intensive Care team’s mercy, grace or goodwill!

I have seen far too many situations in Intensive Care where the Intensive Care team has been using their “shrewdness” and “adeptness” to “sell” a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “withdrawal of life support” as being “in the best interest” of a critically ill Patient, where clearly the things that were happening “BEHIND THE SCENES” such as the financial interests, the bed management pressures, the medical research interests and/or the politics and other competing interests were the main drivers for the Intensive Care team’s positioning!

If you are oblivious to these driving forces “BEHIND THE SCENES” that 99% of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are unaware of, you’ll also wind up like 99% of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care with no PEACE OF MIND, no power, no control and no influence!

Related article: Behind the scenes

PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence if your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care don’t come from “following the herd”, it’s usually counterintuitive and it comes from doing what other people are not prepared to do!

Listen, if you continue to do what 99% of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are doing, who “suck up” to the Intensive Care team, who buy into the “perceived power” and the “perceived authority” of the Intensive Care team, you’ll wind up just like those Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care and you’ll end up with no PEACE OF MIND, no control, no power and no influence!

You need to do something distinctly different and you need to start doing your own research so that the Intensive Care team realises that they are dealing with a powerful Family and so that they know that they can’t force their hidden agenda on to you , your Family and your critically ill loved one!

You need to go against the grain, you almost have to look at what everybody else is doing and do the complete opposite in order to get PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence!

Don’t do what 99% of Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are doing who have no PEACE OF MIND, no power, no control and no influence and do what gets you results, what gets you PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence!

Also, check out our "YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED" section

where I answer all of YOUR questions

http://intensivecarehotline.com/category/questions/

This is another episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” and in last week’s episode I answered another question from one of our readers and the question last week was PART 2 of

“My Mother is in ICU after her heart stopped! We believe that the Intensive Care team is keeping her sedated & paralysed for longer than necessary, what should we do?”(PART 2)

You can check out the answer to last week’s question by clicking on the link here.

Trudie has also been featured on our PODCAST where she shares her and her mother's struggles. You can check out the interview by clicking on the link here.

In this week’s episode of “YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED” I want to answer the next question that Trudie from the UK has as her mother continued to be in Intensive Care after the cardiac arrest!

So, therefore in today’s episode of your questions answered I want to answer PART 3 of

My Mother is in ICU after her heart stopped! We

believe that the Intensive Care team is keeping

her sedated & paralysed for longer than

necessary, what should we do?”(PART 3)

Hi Patrik,

Just come back from our meeting. Mum's doing well. There could be a small issue with her heart, but those investigations will be developed in the cardiology ward.

The meeting went as well as could be expected. I prepared carefully having researched the legal objections to our presence and had a strong case to refute these. They made no further objections on these grounds as they couldn't disagree.

However, they said we got in the way and the only reason they had allowed us to stay at times was to avoid confrontation. That's poppycock. When the nurse we had faith in was with Mum we told him if he needed space we'd move (as we could see he was trust worthy), but he assured us he WANTED us there, and he regularly made this assurance. There was no way he was just trying I avoid confrontation - although this may have been the cases with some of the other nurses. I hope we didn't get the good nurse in trouble! Will be writing to the top bosses at the hospital to commend him and try and back this up with evidence of why his approach works.

In any case I don't care why we're allowed to stay as long as we are. The doctor admitted he'd spent more time with us than other families, so clearly your strategies which we have adopted work. He said they couldn't bend the rules as they'd have to do it for everyone, but then said they had bent the rules for us.

I understand they have a duty of care to all families and need to balance that, but our duty of care is to our family and we'll maintain the pressure.

I suggested the best way to reduce our questions and challenges was to work as hard as they could to make Mum better and to demonstrate that by involving us fully. I also acknowledged that this family consensus style was unusual for them and probably made them feel uncomfortable, but it was our duty to make them question their practices. They said no icu in the world could operate with open transparency (have you got examples which refute this I could share with them?). Obviously, they're busy and policies aren't going to be rethought in a week, but perhaps the experience they are having with us, coupled with some evidence that other units are more open might make them rethink things in the long term.

My explicit goal is to get my Mum better as quickly as possible, but it is also starting to become being a champion for the powerless and trying to push for change.

Thanks again and best wishes

Trudie

Hi Trudie,

Thanks again for sharing and also about shedding some light about how the doctors and/or Intensive Care team is seeing this situation.

It’s good to see that you have researched “the legal objections” to your presence with the Intensive Care team at the bedside.

You see, this is something that I have found over and over again in more than 15 years Intensive Care nursing in three different countries, where I have literally worked with THOUSANDS of critically ill Patients and their Families that whenever there is a perceived issue or conflict with Families that the Intensive Care team is going back and is referring to the legalities and/or policies around family presence in Intensive Care.

Sure enough, staff safety is just as important as Patient and family safety and even though I have also seen my fair share of situations where staff have been verbally and physically threatened as well(including myself) by aggressive family members, this doesn’t negate or exclude the fact that most families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are peaceful and not threatening.

Having said that, the Intensive Care team(doctors as well as nurses) are quick to point out in handovers, that they are “dealing with a difficult family”. That in Intensive Care language means that they are asking too many (difficult) questions and they are generally speaking “a pain in the arse”.

That’s how the Intensive Care team perceives those situations and it still amazes me how anyone can think that way.

Now, from my perspective, no family in ICU is difficult, unless they are verbally or physically threatening.

Everything else is just a matter of communication and also about showing empathy and compassion towards their situation.

Does that include work and effort? Yes, it does and I think that’s where it’s often falling down.

As I have written in my “INSTANT IMPACT” report, Intensive Care teams are like “fish in water” and Families and Patients are like “fish out of water”.

The Intensive Care team is within their comfort zone most of the time and they don’t like to leave that comfort zone. It’s very easy for them to just refer to policies, procedures and basically implicitly or explicitly refer to the “rules”(made by the ICU team) and refer to their “perceived power” and “perceived authority” status.

Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care are not meant to question this approach.

If they do, they upset the status quo and frequently they run into trouble with the “perceived authority” and the “perceived power” and most of the time Families back off, because just like you have eluded to in one of your emails, you were worried that the Intensive Care team might get “prejudiced” against you.

Yes and they often will get prejudiced, but just as I mentioned to you previously, “it’s none of your business what other people think about you” as long as you are ethical and on moral high grounds.

The approach of getting Families of critically ill Patients involved works, because Families all of a sudden have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence!

It’s nothing the Intensive Care team is interested in and as I regularly publish in my blogs, there are too many things happening “BEHIND THE SCENES” in Intensive Care that the Intensive Care team has no interest in sharing any power or control with Families of critically ill Patients.

The power play, the dynamics, the politics, the competing interests, the intrigue, the psychology and the hidden agenda in Intensive Care is all driven by the “all powerful” Intensive Care team.

There is no room for genuine Family input.

One way to protect the Intensive Care team’s interests is to, once again, implicitly or explicitly refer to the “perceived power” or “perceived authority” of the Intensive Care team.

A frame of mind that is working most of the time, as Families, even in this day and age(in the 21^st century!!!) tend to buy into this behaviour and perception. They are afraid of repercussions for their sick family member if they don’t buy into this outdated behaviour.

Therefore the approach the Intensive Care team is taking is working for them most of the time.

This is even more concerning because many of the most challenging situations in Intensive Care involve issues such as critically ill Patients being

very unstable and in a very critical condition
in a life threatening situation
in Intensive Care for long-term treatments and long-term stays
having a severe(traumatic) head or brain injury
threatened with an “NFR”(Not for resuscitation) or “DNR”(Do not resuscitate) order
In a situation where the Intensive Care team suggests a “withdrawal of treatment” or a “limitation of treatment” as being “in the best interest” of your critically ill loved one
approaching their end of life in Intensive Care

and yet, those are exactly the situations where the Intensive Care team is extremely guarded and is not willing to be transparent for reasons I mentioned before.

You also mentioned that the Intensive Care team has referred to that they“only allowed you to stay is to avoid confrontation”.

I call BS for all of that as they, one way or another, felt that you were different and that they realised that they were dealing with a powerful family.

Good on you for standing your ground and not backing off!

I think it’s rude of the Intensive Care team to say to you “that you’ve got in the way”.

That is condescending from my perspective.

Why “did you get in the way”? To stop them from doing what? Did you stop them from carrying out their duty of care? Hardly so, therefore ignore.

You have also referred to the Intensive Care team saying “that they couldn't bend the rules as they'd have to do it for everyone, but then said they had bent the rules for us.”

Again, this is BS from my perspective and they operate from a frame of mind, that this is how it’s always been and we don’t want to change.

Change however is exactly what is needed and Intensive Care teams are scared of change for reasons I have mentioned before!

And if they felt that they have “bent the rules for you”, keep in mind it was their rules, not yours. Therefore re-writing the rules and not bending down to “perceived authority” and “perceived power” is critical in those situations!

By now, you know what’s possible if you make up your own rules.

Again, the “fish in water”(the Intensive Care team) is too complacent to deal with basic instinct needs such as PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence from a Family’s perspective.

It’s the latent and persistent “we know what’s best” approach by the Intensive Care team that doesn’t look at how they can genuinely cooperate with Families of critically ill Patients.

Again Trudie, you have referred to your duty to make the Intensive Care team question their practice and they are telling you that “no icu in the world could operate with open transparency!

And that’s probably true and that’s also why our platform INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM is so popular and in demand, because we make the information that the Intensive Care team is trying to hide away from you and trying to hide away from other Family members in Intensive Care transparent.

That’s also why I can’t give you any examples of ICU’s who are fully open and transparent.

The financial interests, the bed management pressures, the staffing issues and interests, the medical research interests and the natural and/or artificial hierarchy in Intensive Care often take prevalence before Patients and Families interests.

Again, if you look at documents, white papers and research studies done about Intensive Care, the focus is on medical research, it’s all about how great they are, it’s all written in a language that’s from health professionals for health professionals.

Research papers, document and white papers are not even remotely designed for Families of critically ill Patients, that’s also why there is little to no evidence as yet that a different approach, where Families have more and direct involvement in the care and treatment of their loved one would actually work.

I just wanted to share more light on this and explain things in more detail and the bottom line to me is that you will probably be one of the few Families of critically ill Patients in Intensive Care who “will do whatever it takes” to have PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence.

Other Families will continue to back off at the first signs of resistance from the Intensive Care team, they will continue to feel intimidated by the Intensive Care team and they will continue to be passive bystanders and witness an event but not fully participate in it, without understanding what’s really happening and they will wind up with no PEACE OF MIND, no control, no power and no influence!

Our platform INTENSIVECAREHOTLINE.COM continues to be a strong voice and advocate for the Families of the critically ill in Intensive Care, but as the old saying goes “you can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t make them drink”, it’ll be up to Families just like yours to assume PEACE OF MIND, control, power and influence!

Sincerely, your friend

Patrik Hutzel

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withdrawal of treatment situations and/or perceived medical futility
what to do if your critically ill loved one is THREATENED with an "NFR"(Not for resuscitation) or "DNR"(Do not resuscitate) order
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Your Friend

Patrik Hutzel

Critical Care Nurse

Founder& Editor