5 steps to become a better negotiator if your loved one is critically ill in Intensive Care
Published: Tue, 07/09/13
especially in such a difficult and stressful situation such as
having a loved one critically ill in Intensive Care.
It might take you a few days in order to get your head around of
what's being said and what you've been told if your loved one is
critically ill in Intensive Care. The things you hear from the
people within the Intensive Care team may sometimes be
contradictory and you may wonder whom you should believe. The
reality is however, that other people are driving the bus and you
may have little control, little power and no influence in the
decision making process whatsoever as a starting point. That's how
you might feel anyway. The big machinery that is Intensive Care is
rolling and it's usually hard to stop it if you don't know what to
do.
This often stems from you and your family not being 'insiders' into
the Intensive Care world and it also comes from the "perceive
power" that doctors and nurses have within Intensive Care. The
"perceived power" of doctors and nurses also comes from many
families in Intensive Care 'handing' over the power to them and
they often feel intimidated and they therefore "suck up" to the
health professionals, whilst their loved one is critically ill in
Intensive Care. You need to stop that, right here and there. Stop
"sucking up" to the doctors and the nurses in Intensive Care. It's
the single biggest mistake people are making and it puts you in a
position where you have no or little negotiation power for what you
want. It positions you really poorly for the outcomes that you
want.
The game plan is usually already laid down for you and for your
critically ill loved one, irrespective of the condition your loved
one is in. The game plan may or may not be in your critically ill
loved one's best interest, depending on the other wheels that are
in motion in the background. Unless you are aware of the turning
wheels in the background or unless you are actively asking
questions, you and your Family may really be at the mercy of this
big machinery! Think about it for a minute. Any Intensive Care Unit
has limited resources and those resources need to be managed. Those
limited resources in general tend to be beds, staff and equipment.
Usually there is a high demand on ICU beds and also for ICU staff,
whether it be doctors or nurses. Therefore, the pressure is on.
Other admissions may be awaiting admission to Intensive Care and
therefore, the strategy for treatment of your critically ill loved
one may be presented to you in a certain way. For example, you may
get told that your loved one only has a few days to live. How do
you know it is true? Who can verify, discuss or confirm that your
loved one is dying? Where do you get help from in such a difficult
situation?
The most important part in such a difficult situation is your
mental positioning. You need to be well positioned mentally and in
order to achieve such a positioning and also in order to become a
good negotiator for the outcomes you want, irrespective of what the
Intensive Care team is telling you, you need to take the following
five stepsStop "sucking up" to the doctors and the nurses in
Intensive Care and stop being intimidated by their "perceived
power". I see this all the time and it's the single biggest mistake
Families of critically ill Patients make. If you treat the doctors
and nurses as equals the power is shifting immediately and you are
no longer at the mercy of the health professionalsMake sure that
you question everything- Do not stop asking questionsYou and your
Family need to stick together and you need to speak with one voice.
Unity can move mountains and if your Family sticks together and
speaks with one voice, you are in a much better position to get
what you want, irrespective of the situation you and your
critically ill loved one are inStart asking for more time.
Sometimes you might get told that your loved one only has a few
days to live. Life support such as ventilation can sometimes extend
your loved one's life and it might 'buy' time in order for you to
come to terms with the loss of your loved one or it might buy time
in order for your loved one to recover. Things do sometimes turn
around against the oddsThis is probably the hardest one. Position
yourself well mentally and be prepared for whatever the situation
throws at you. This is easier said than done. But it's critical
that you brace yourself and find your inner strength to confront
the situation. I see all too often that because Families are
overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated and vulnerable by their
critically ill loved one's ordeal that they are paralysed and they
don't know what to do and they are therefore at the mercy of the
health professionals in Intensive Care. Your inner strength is
critical getting what you want and getting you through this
difficult situation
Send your questions to support@intensivecarehotline.com and I
answer your question within 24 hours!
Sincerely your Friend
Patrik Hutzel